Life Today

Hmmmm.....I am learning some hard lessons on this path I've chosen. Sometimes I wonder if I'm fooling myself and the path chose me and is playing with me as life often has. All I can say about
that is whatever has come my way has always given me more to ponder, to let go of and to choose to continue along the path less traveled.

I have a friend, one I have cared for so much that he became another son. He's been ignoring me and promises he made to me that involves an exchange of a car and his payment thereof. I gave him the car, but apparently he feels that my care for him means that he doesn't really have to pay for it. My comment about this sort of thing (which has happened to me too many times in the past...guess I need to learn something about this particular lesson?) is that apparently the person on the receiving end of these transactions must have a greater need than I do; ultimately I let it go and continue on my way ( sometimes a bit more bitter than I'd like to be).

Then I have a client..a 13 year old who has bi-polar and some developmental issues. Very, very bright with a vocabulary that would challenge a physics college professor. Very timid. Few friends. Few social skills. The past two weeks her school has received bomb threats and she's scared - understandably - and she's in such a fragile condition that my heart breaks for her. The bi-polar issue is pretty much under control with medication, fortunately. She's beginning to develop physically and is becoming interested in boys, but her mother (a basically very good person [also with bi-polar] has long talked with her about what it's like to become a woman and to have any kind of relationship with boys and none of it presented as a good thing. She can't talk with her mother about her developing interests and feels guilty about talking with me because she feels she's betraying her mother.

Throw in a few family issues, disability issues of my partner and the too slow arrival of Spring and you have a sage in some turmoil - I think that's an oxymoron. :)

Then there's the physical weakness of old age and the results of a motorcycle accident that rides my back like an ever clinging, frightened of abandonment monkey and I wonder what my world is coming to. Then I remind myself that I'm a sage and have gone through this much and more over the years and always have found the end result a shining star in my eternal optimism. Sometimes, however, particularly in the middle of challenges, I feel so vulnerable and inept. I wonder where my sagely wisdom has gone. Maybe this time it will leave and never come back.
A good thing about the pain in my shoulder and neck is that it keeps me slowed down enough to have to sit with heat or ice and then I can more easily put my life in perspective and come up with some possible applications to life's annoying and frustrating messes.

So there's a bit of the very human side of me that keeps me humble. Humble enough to ask that my readers take a moment to send me light and love and strength. Guess maybe those would help until I get out from under the clutter. :-)

Give yourself time to find your inner voice today my friends. I know I need to work at shutting down the mind chatter and maybe you do too. Nemaste.