It is sometimes very difficult to stay in the moment when one's world is repleat with friends and family who also share our moments. I am not one who hides in a corner when others are going through growth pains, but neither will I interject thoughts, suggestions or ideas if not asked. As a mother and grandmother well ingrained with societal shoulds and having grown in the love that comes with each life which interacts with mine, it is sometimes very painful to step back while maintaining support, to let go of the strong desire to step in and "fix it". Once we cross the boundaries of another's growth process, we intrude where we have a less than clear understanding of the other's relationship with the idea of self construction as I explained what I meant by that in yesterday's posting. Finding a balance of caring and providing support for others without loosing our own sense of self in the moment and avoiding enmeshment in the pain of others is growth in and of itself. Looking within ouselves at the relationship of the other's pain to our own place on the wheel of life, we may, indeed, find that there are lessons for ourselves in this crossing of paths and remembering when we were where they are.
There is a comment by William Martin in "The Sage's Tao Te Ching" that is appropriate here: Learning to see things from a different angle requires great courage. Old voices within will seek to kingle the fire of fear: Your're not going to have enoughl You must hold on! You're going to be alonel You're going to die. This is the truth of the Tao: We will always have enough. We can let go. We are never alone."
I would like to leave you this moment with the thought that the deeper one goes, as diving in a pond, the clearer the way can be seen.
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This is something with which I struggle a lot - finding the balance between helping and intruding is sometimes very difficult for me. I do have a tendency to want to "fix" things - but I am beginning to realize that many times the best help is not to help and let the other person pull themselves up.
I do, however, spend a lot of time seeking other perspectives - I am not afraid to look, but many times am not sure if what I see is really what is there. I guess I'll have to keep working at it. :)
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